Flashback:
The year is 2003. I am suffering from a little skin problem called nodular acne. Not only is the acne extrememly painful, but it is also causing a lot of problems at school--kids saying rude and unneccesary things, people staring at me, etc.
I am in my seventh grade year, and I am walking into my second period study hall class.
The first words out of my study hall teacher's mouth: "WHAT HAPPENED TO YOUR FACE!? SICK!"
My thoughts: "Wow. It's probably the twelfth week of school, and she's just now realizing? I wonder how she would feel to go through as much pain as I do."
Weeks later: My study hall teacher is in a car wreck, and she breaks her neck. I feel bad, and somewhat blame myself for the accident.
I am sitting in P.E. class one morning. An eighth grader comes and sits next to me and gives me a look of disgust, "WHAT'S ON YOUR FACE??" I don't have any answers for him; I just look at the floor and ignore him.
I am now walking through the hallways. Every other person I walk past is staring at me. Every now and then I can hear a few people saying "ewww!" or "sick!"
The friends I made in elementary school (save a select few) are now ignoring me, because they don't want to be seen with me. They are beginning to care more about fitting-in than friendship.
It's a late Tuesday night--11 PM or so. I am trying to sleep. However, I can't because if I try putting my face on my pillow, it hurts. I try laying on my back. Nope. My back is now covered with the acne as well.
I am at a Halloween party. I'm not wearing a costume; I'm just wearing regular clothes. A kid comes up to me, and he says, "Where did you get the mask? Or is that make-up?" I tell him that's how my face always is, and then he freaks out.
"You definitely have the worst case of it," my Mom tells me one day. "Worse than your brother or your Dad."
This actually makes me laugh, and I take great pride in it, rather than being negative and thinking, "Why me?"
It's my thirteenth birthday. I'm not having a big party like I did for my twelfth birthday party. I only want to be with my family, because they know what kind of pain I am going through. My Mom makes me my favorite meal--her home-made chicken fingers. She also buys me Final Fantasy Tactics Advance on her way home from work, and she even makes me a cake with Final Fantasy characters on it. The game helps lift some of my pain, as it made me both very happy and it gave me something to do when I couldnt' sleep at night.
"Thanks, Mom. You're the best."
Fast-Forward:
The year is 2008. I think about the year 2003 every now and then. If someone would have told me back then, "BDN, five years from now, you will look back on these days and miss them" I would have probably told them to shut up.
It's true, though. The year 2003 was definitely a special one for me. It helped me grow in a lot of ways, and I really do miss it a lot.
The worst year of my middle school year was definitely the best. It really helped me realize what was important in life. I'm glad I wasn't popular; I am glad people were disgusted by me.
You know what that year taught me? It taught me that I was unique. It taught me that I have a choice: The choice to be negative and not get through the trial, or the choice to be positive and to get through the trial. It taught me about true friendship. It taught me that my family truly does love me and will always be there for me, even in the worst of times.
And so I'd like to thank everyone who helped me get through those hard times--my Mom, my Dad, my siblings, and my friends. If it weren't for your guys' examples, I probably wouldn't have made it through that horrible, horrible school year. :)
And last but not least....I'd like to thank the year 2003 for all the memories it brings back to me--the good and the bad.
One day after getting a hair-cut.
Chicken fingers for my 13th birthday.
At home on a late Friday night!
My Final Fantasy Cake
The first stage of the acne. Trying to sleep and play with Logan at the same time. Haha.
12 comments:
Here I sit at work, with tears running down my cheeks as I read your last entry. Not so much because of the pain I watched you got through everyday of your 7th grade year, although thoughts of you having to go through that along with some of my own flash backs of that time for you, bring me pain, but because of how much wisdom the Lord has blessed you with in learning to cope with life and it's problems. I can't even begin to tell you how proud I am of you and how Happy I am to be your mother!
you are truly powerful brother! A lot of people would have given up or done something stupid involving a gun or bomb. Good work.
Ben that made me cry. People can be so harsh. I hope to teach my kids that what really matters about a person doesn't have anything to do with what they can see with their eyes. Stories like this just break my heart and it makes me so sad to think that the outcome could have been so tragically different. Anyway on a happier note, I am so glad you were able to take your experience and learn from it. I always say that those middle school years will make or break a person I am glad to know that those years made you. You are sucha great person and such a great example to me,even though you are my little brother. You are one of my grestest friends and such a great Uncle. I love you so much!
P.S. When I look at those pictures I hardly see the acne just my cute little brother, and those fools would be eating their words now just look how handsome you are in that picture in your header :).
Thanks, Mom. :) You raised me well in my youth, and I am grateful for that.
Also do you remember how, you did not like to go out of the house for anything, Mutual, parties or whatever during that time? I remember you begging me to home school you that next semster and getting a phone call from the school counselor concerned about you. It was then that we told the dermatologist that she needed to be agressive with the treatments and not to make you wait by trying all the simple remidies first, she made us sign a release saying if you had some bad emotional side-effect from the medication that we would not hold her responsible. I remember thinking are you serious, the side-effects of the medication could not be worse then the side-effects of the acne.
Brent, you taught me to be powerful. Haha. Thank you, brother!
KT, you are right--I look GOOD nowa days, and all those kids were just blind! :)
Yes, Mom I remember all of that. It really was ridiculous; remember how Brother Abbott was always worried about me and the side-effects as well? haha.
Accutane had the opposite effect one me--it relieved a lot of stress, etc.
P.S.
Mom, those chicken fingers were delicious! :)
ah. I always felt bad whenever I saw one of you guys going through the acne stage because I knew it was painful for you. I remember when you went through it I always just thought. Poor Ben,.. but he's going to be one handsome devil once he gets past the painful part. everyone else did. :) I really admire how all of you made it through that because I don't know if I would have survived it. I was having a hard enough time accepting my scar as it was.
This is so touching. You have always been Benji, and you will always be the same Benji no matter what! Love you bro!!!
KT is right about middle school making or breaking you! Remember those stupid girls that were my "friends" that treated me horribly? Dad had to go talk to the principle because I would come home cryin atleast once a weak, then the day came when the principle called me and one of the girls to the office and I was bawling and the principle yelled so loud at that girl and she never messed with me again. I love that mom and dad took great action because I know I could not be nearly as strong as you were. You've always been stronger than me! That's why I look up to you!!!!!!!!! Love you!
Oh, and by the way you are a handsome devil! and those kids that gave you a hard time are probably miserable right now!
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